USA Swimming Puts Dynamos In First

Da Nang Dynamos moved into first place in the Fantasy Olympics Tuesday as USA Swimming continued to dominate the medal count.  The Dynamos edged out Golden Girls for the overall lead by picking up eight overall medals, including medals in all four of the day's swimming events.  After golds from Alison Schmitt (women's 200 freestyle) and the men's 4x200 freestyle relay team, USA Swimming now has earned more fantasy points than all but two entire teams.  Schmitt now has three medals at the Olympics.  By the 2016 Rio games she will no longer need to use a mug shot as her official picture.

Postmodern Pentathlon had the second-biggest day, picking up 26.5 points thanks mostly to Germany's sweep of the equestrian events.  Had manager Lucas Tanglen not blown the first overall pick, the USA swimming points and first place would be his.  It's a small consolation indeed for a former newspaper copy editor to win two medals in something called "Individual Eventing."

A bronze medal from New Zealand's equestrian team moved Los Cornballers into double digits in points.  The reason that the defending champions have yet to win a gold is obvious based on this picture of Cornballers tennis stars Ana Ivanovic and Novac Djokovic, which was just posted to Ivanovic's Facebook fan page.  "I'm going to enjoy playing as a team with Novak in January," Ivanovic wrote. Clearly the Cornballers have no respect for their coaching staff and are just in London for sex.

STANDINGS THROUGH TUESDAY, JULY 31

1.  John Binz, Da Nang Dynamos
95.6 Points
Swimming 58.8 (6G, 6S, 4B)
Archery 15.6 (1G, 1B)
Judo 7.1 (1G)
Diving 6.2 (2S)
Gymnastics 2.8 (1S)
Fencing 2.5 (1B)
Canoeing 1.6 (1B)

2.  Theresa Yerger, Golden Girls
92.4 Points
Weightlifting 23.4 (3G, 1S)
Fencing 22.5 (1G, 2S, 1B)
Diving 18.9 (3G)
Shooting 18.4 (2G, 1S, 1B)
Equestrian 4.2 (1S)
Judo 3.6 (1S)
Gymnastics 1.4 (1B)

3.  Brian Schwartz, The Jim Thorpes
59.1 Points
Judo 17.9 (1G, 2S, 2B)
Swimming 17.6 (1G, 3S, 2B)
Fencing 12.5 (1G, 1B)
Diving 4.7 (1S, 1B)
Weightlifting 3.3 (1S)
Canoeing 3.1 (1S)

4.  Lucas Tanglen, Postmodern Pentathlon
55.8 Points
Equestrian 18.7 (2G, 1B)
Judo 8.9 (1G, 1B)
Shooting 6.7 (1G)
Archery 6.3 (1S)
Canoeing 6.3 (1G)
Swimming 7.5 (5B)
Gymnastics 1.4 (1B)

5.  Christina Binz, Zurich Zebras
46.8 Points
Weightlifting 15.1 (1G, 1B)
Archery 12.5 (1G)
Judo 7.1 (1G)
Gymnastics 5.6 (1G)
Fencing 5 (1S)
Swimming 1.5 (1B)

6.  Craig Emmert, Craig's Team
41.1 Points
Swimming 17.6 (2G, 2G)
Shooting 6.6 (2S)
Gymnastics 5.6 (1G)
Judo 5.4 (3B)
Equestrian 4.2 (1S)
Weightlifting 1.7 (1B)

7.  Dave Spence, Paragons
26.2 Points
Shooting 13.4 (2G)
Archery 6.3 (1S)
Judo 3.6 (1S)
Swimming 2.9 (1S)

8.  Ellis Kunka, Los Cornballers
11.2 Points
Cycling 2.8 (1S)
Gymnastics 2.8 (1S)
Equestrian 2.1 (1B)
Judo 1.8 (1B)
Shooting 1.7 (1B)

USA Swimming Leads Dynamos Charge

The third day of Fantasy Olympic competition belonged to Da Nang Dynamos, who pulled within seven points of first behind four medals from the USA Swimming team and one from Mexico diving.  Team USA took gold  in both the men's and women's 100 meter backstroke.

By winning the women's backstroke finals only 14 minutes after her semifinal heat, Missy Franklin became the first 17-year-old Colorado high school student in 13 years to gain worldwide fame in under 30 minutes.

Despite the Dynamos' big day, Golden Girls held onto first place when the Chinese diving and weightlifting teams each won their second gold medal of the Games.  "Consider it one-eighth of a Women's 58kg Weightlifting gold medal for every team in the Fantasy Olympics," said Golden Girls manager Theresa Yerger as she briefly looked up from a copy of Quotations from Chairman Mao.

Farther down in the standings, Los Cornballers continued to languish in last place despite a Pyrrhic victory gained when their manager Ellis Kunka successfully challenged the scoring in men's team gymnastics. Japan wound up with a silver medal, meaning Los Cornballers now only trail by 61.1 points.  Kunka was reportedly inspired by the time John Russell was thrown out of a Pirates-Brewers game in August 2008.

STANDINGS THROUGH MONDAY, JULY 30

1.  Theresa Yerger, Golden Girls
70.2 Points
Fencing 22.5 (1G, 2S, 1B)
Shooting 18.4 (2G, 1S, 1B)
Weightlifting 16.7 (2G, 1S)
Diving 12.6 (2G)

2.  John Binz, Da Nang Dynamos
63.8 Points
Swimming 42.6 (4G, 5S, 3B)
Archery 15.6 (1G, 1B)
Diving 3.1 (1S)
Fencing 2.5 (1B)

3.  Christina Binz, Zurich Zebras
41.2 Points
Weightlifting 15.1 (1G, 1B)
Archery 12.5 (1G)
Judo 7.1 (1G)
Fencing 5 (1S)
Swimming 1.5 (1B)

4.  Brian Schwartz, The Jim Thorpes
36.5 Points
Swimming 13.2 (1G, 2S, 1B)
Judo 16.1 (1G, 2S, 1B)
Diving 4.7 (1S, 1B)
Fencing 2.5 (1B)

T-5.  Craig Emmert, Craig's Team
29.3 Points
Swimming 11.8 (2G)
Shooting 6.6 (2S)
Gymnastics 5.6 (1G)
Judo 3.6 (2B)
Weightlifting 1.7 (1B)

T-5.  Lucas Tanglen, Postmodern Pentathlon
29.3 Points
Judo 8.9 (1G, 1B)
Shooting 6.7 (1G)
Archery 6.3 (1S)
Swimming 6 (4B)
Gymnastics 1.4 (1B)

7.  Dave Spence, Paragons
19.5 Points
Shooting 6.7 (1G)
Archery 6.3 (1S)
Judo 3.6 (1S)
Swimming 2.9 (1S)

8.  Ellis Kunka, Los Cornballers
9.1 Points
Cycling 2.8 (1S)
Gymnastics 2.8 (1S)
Judo 1.8 (1B)
Shooting 1.7 (1B)

An Unlikely Road To Stardom

Chinese table tennis player Ding Ning, who is favored to win two gold medals in London, admitted today that she learned the sport while drunk in the basement of the Tau Kappa Epsilon house at Heilongjiang University.

Dave Spence chose the Chinese table tennis team with his first round pick - apparently unaware that in northeast China, "hard work and dedication" is just a synonym for "Goldschläger and poor taste in men."   Fantasy Summer Olympics Blog has obtained this photo of the hallowed training ground.

Ning dated one of the Tekes for two years, if "dating" consists of playing ping-pong and Spades in that disgusting basement and then walking home unsatisfied when your boyfriend passes out drunk on Milwaukee's Best Ice.  But her boyfriend seemed to be maturing and even surprised her with a trip to the Netherlands after spring semester finals in 2011.  She was certain he would propose to her during the vacation - but it turned out that the idiot had only brought her to Rotterdam to control her into competing in the World Table Tennis Championships.

Ning won the individual gold medal and a team silver, which empowered her to break up with that dick and refuse to be on his team for the mixed doubles tournament.  Back on campus, she subsequently dated two other TKE brothers to make her ex jealous.  The Tekes are the only house that plays ping-pong instead of beer pong, so her skills continued to improve and she is now ranked #1 in the ITTF World Rankings.

Ning, 22, is hopeful that this won't be her last Olympics:   Kappa Alpha Psi has an air hockey table and she expects this Justin guy to text her back before the 2014 Sochi Games.

Golden Girls Continue To Lead

Through two days of competition, Golden Girls are still the class of the league.

Da Nang Dynamos moved into second as USA swimming won five more medals Sunday, including Dana Vollmer's gold in the 100 butterfly.  South Korea took the 12.5 women's archery team gold medal for the Dynamos.  But it wasn't enough to come close to the Girls, who picked up gold medals in diving and shooting and silverss in fencing, shooting, and weightlifting.  Chinese shooter Guo Wenjon won Golden Girls' fifth gold of the Olympics when France's Celine Goberville (undrafted) blew the last shot of the women's 10m Air Pistol.  No one has ever been this happy to screw up the biggest moment of their career:

Los Cornballers are now languishing in last place, their victory in the Fantasy Winter Olympics long forgotten.  Cornballers manager Ellis Kunka is rumored to be investigating whether Lindsey Vonn can do the Steeplechase.

STANDINGS THROUGH SUNDAY, JULY 30

1.  Theresa Yerger, Golden Girls
57.2 Points
Fencing 22.5 (1G, 2S, 1B)
Shooting 18.4 (2G, 1S, 1B)
Weightlifting 10 (1G, 1S)
Diving 6.3 (1G)

2.  John Binz, Da Nang Dynamos
43.1 Points
Swimming 25 (2G, 3S, 3B)
Archery 15.6 (1G, 1B)
Fencing 2.5 (1B)

3.  Christina Binz, Zurich Zebras
29.5 Points
Archery 12.5 (1G)
Weightlifting 8.4 (1G, 1B)
Judo 7.1 (1G)
Swimming 1.5 (1B)

4.  Lucas Tanglen, Postmodern Pentathlon
23.4 Points
Judo 8.9 (1G, 1B)
Shooting 6.7 (1G)
Archery 6.3 (1S)
Swimming 1.5 (1B)

5.  Dave Spence, Paragons
19.5 Points
Shooting 6.7 (1G)
Archery 6.3 (1S)
Judo 3.6 (1S)
Swimming 2.9 (1S)

6.  Brian Schwartz, The Jim Thorpes
18.8 Points
Swimming 10.3 (1G, 1S, 1B)
Judo 5.4 (1S, 1B)
Diving 3.1 (1S)

7.  Craig Emmert, Craig's Team
15.1 Points
Swimming 11.8 (2G)
Shooting 3.3 (1S)

8.  Ellis Kunka, Los Cornballers
6.3 Points
Cycling 2.8 (1S)
Judo 1.8 (1B)
Shooting 1.7 (1B)

Teams By Sport

Archery
Chariots of Fire - Ukraine
Cornballers - India
Da Nang Dynamos - South Korea
Golden Girls - France
Jim Thorpes - Taiwan
Paragons - USA
Postmodern Pentathlon - China
Zurich Zebras - Italy

Athletics
Chariots of Fire - Jamaica
Cornballers - USA
Da Nang Dynamos - Russia
Golden Girls - Ethiopia
Jim Thorpes - Kenya
Paragons - Great Britain
Postmodern Pentathlon - Germany
Zurich Zebras - Cuba

Badminton
Chariots of Fire - Netherlands
Cornballers - Denmark
Da Nang Dynamos - Great Britain
Golden Girls - USA
Jim Thorpes - Malaysia
Paragons - Indonesia
Postmodern Pentathlon - China
Zurich Zebras - South Korea

Basketball
Chariots of Fire - Lithuania
Cornballers - Australia
Da Nang Dynamos - Angola
Golden Girls - Argentina
Jim Thorpes - France
Paragons - Russia
Postmodern Pentathlon - USA
Zurich Zebras - Spain

Boxing
Chariots of Fire - Ireland
Cornballers - Cuba
Da Nang Dynamos - Ukraine
Golden Girls - Nigeria
Jim Thorpes - Great Britain
Paragons - Kazakhstan
Postmodern Pentathlon - Russia
Zurich Zebras - China

Canoeing
Chariots of Fire - Canada
Cornballers - Hungary
Da Nang Dynamos - Slovakia
Golden Girls - Belarus
Jim Thorpes - Germany
Paragons - Great Britain
Postmodern Pentathlon - France
Zurich Zebras - Australia

Cycling
Chariots of Fire - Switzerland
Cornballers - Great Britain
Da Nang Dynamos - New Zealand
Golden Girls - Italy
Jim Thorpes - Australia
Paragons - Spain
Postmodern Pentathlon - Germany
Zurich Zebras - France

Diving
Chariots of Fire - Russia
Cornballers - Italy
Da Nang Dynamos - Mexico
Golden Girls - China
Jim Thorpes - USA
Paragons - Germany
Postmodern Pentathlon - Great Britain
Zurich Zebras - Australia

Equestrian
Chariots of Fire - Great Britain
Cornballers - New Zealand
Da Nang Dynamos - Denmark
Golden Girls - Sweden
Jim Thorpes - France
Paragons - Netherlands
Postmodern Pentathlon - Germany
Zurich Zebras - USA

Fencing
Chariots of Fire - China
Cornballers - Romania
Da Nang Dynamos - Russia
Golden Girls - Italy
Jim Thorpes - China
Paragons - France
Postmodern Pentathlon - Netherlands
Zurich Zebras - Germany

Field Hockey
Chariots of Fire - Argentina
Cornballers - USA
Da Nang Dynamos - New Zealand
Golden Girls - Germany
Jim Thorpes - Australia
Paragons - Netherlands
Postmodern Pentathlon - Great Britain
Zurich Zebras - Spain

Football
Chariots of Fire - France
Cornballers - Japan
Da Nang Dynamos - Spain
Golden Girls - Hungary
Jim Thorpes - USA
Paragons - Sweden
Postmodern Pentathlon - Brazil
Zurich Zebras - Great Britain

Gymnastics
Chariots of Fire - China
Cornballers - Japan
Da Nang Dynamos - Russia
Golden Girls - Romania
Jim Thorpes - Germany
Paragons - Canada
Postmodern Pentathlon - Great Britain
Zurich Zebras - USA

Handball
Chariots of Fire - Russia
Cornballers - Denmark
Da Nang Dynamos - Spain
Golden Girls - Angola
Jim Thorpes - Croatia
Paragons - South Korea
Postmodern Pentathlon - Norway
Zurich Zebras - France

Judo
Chariots of Fire - France
Cornballers - Uzbekistan
Da Nang Dynamos - South Korea
Golden Girls - China
Jim Thorpes - Japan
Paragons - Cuba
Postmodern Pentathlon - Brazil
Zurich Zebras - Georgia

Modern Pentathlon
Chariots of Fire - Germany
Cornballers - Russia
Da Nang Dynamos - Italy
Golden Girls - Ireland
Jim Thorpes - Great Britain
Paragons - Lithuania
Postmodern Pentathlon - Hungary
Zurich Zebras - Ukraine

Rowing
Chariots of Fire - New Zealand
Cornballers - Great Britain
Da Nang Dynamos - Australia
Golden Girls - Canada
Jim Thorpes - USA
Paragons - Germany
Postmodern Pentathlon - Czech Republic
Zurich Zebras - Romania

Sailing
Chariots of Fire - France
Cornballers - New Zealand
Da Nang Dynamos - Australia
Golden Girls - Austria
Jim Thorpes - USA
Paragons - Great Britain
Postmodern Pentathlon - Poland
Zurich Zebras - Spain

Shooting
Chariots of Fire - Italy
Cornballers - Serbia
Da Nang Dynamos - Germany
Golden Girls - China
Jim Thorpes - Russia
Paragons - USA
Postmodern Pentathlon - South Korea
Zurich Zebras - Czech Republic

Swimming
Chariots of Fire - France
Cornballers - Sweden
Da Nang Dynamos - USA
Golden Girls - Germany
Jim Thorpes - Australia
Paragons - Netherlands
Postmodern Pentathlon - Japan
Zurich Zebras - Great Britain

Synchronized Swimming
Chariots of Fire - USA
Cornballers - Great Britain
Da Nang Dynamos - Egypt
Golden Girls - Canada
Jim Thorpes - China
Paragons - Russia
Postmodern Pentathlon - Spain
Zurich Zebras - Japan

Table Tennis
Chariots of Fire - Russia
Cornballers - Japan
Da Nang Dynamos - Germany
Golden Girls - USA
Jim Thorpes - South Korea
Paragons - China
Postmodern Pentathlon - Congo
Zurich Zebras - Singapore

Taekwondo
Chariots of Fire - Dominican Republic
Cornballers - Turkey
Da Nang Dynamos - Iran
Golden Girls - South Korea
Jim Thorpes - China
Paragons - Mexico
Postmodern Pentathlon - Great Britain
Zurich Zebras - USA

Tennis
Chariots of Fire - Serbia
Cornballers - Switzerland
Da Nang Dynamos - Czech Republic
Golden Girls - France
Jim Thorpes - USA
Paragons - Spain
Postmodern Pentathlon - Great Britain
Zurich Zebras - Russia

Triathlon
Chariots of Fire - Great Britain
Cornballers - Spain
Da Nang Dynamos - Portugal
Golden Girls - New Zealand
Jim Thorpes - South Africa
Paragons - Australia
Postmodern Pentathlon - Switzerland
Zurich Zebras - Canada

Volleyball
Chariots of Fire - Brazil
Cornballers - Russia
Da Nang Dynamos - USA
Golden Girls - Cuba
Jim Thorpes - Germany
Paragons - Italy
Postmodern Pentathlon - Poland
Zurich Zebras - China

Water Polo
Chariots of Fire - France
Cornballers - China
Da Nang Dynamos - Italy
Golden Girls - Australia
Jim Thorpes - USA
Paragons - Hungary
Postmodern Pentathlon - Croatia
Zurich Zebras - Serbia

Weightlifting
Chariots of Fire - Ukraine
Cornballers - Turkey
Da Nang Dynamos - South Korea
Golden Girls - China
Jim Thorpes - Russia
Paragons - Belarus
Postmodern Pentathlon - Iran
Zurich Zebras - North Korea

Wrestling
Chariots of Fire - Japan
Cornballers - Azerbaijan
Da Nang Dynamos - Iran
Golden Girls - Turkey
Jim Thorpes - Bulgaria
Paragons - Georgia
Postmodern Pentathlon - USA
Zurich Zebras - Russia

Golden Girls Take Early Lead

The first time I saw Theresa Yerger, my only thought was "Clearly this girl knows a lot about women's fencing."  Sure enough, I was proven right as her Italian team captured a clean sweep of the women's Individual Foil.  This was enough to propel Golden Girls to a lead after the first day of Olympic competition.

Da Nang Dynamos are in third, but they suffered a critical blow as the heavily favored South Korean men's archery team choked and only took the bronze.  "I'm seriously starting to have legitimate thoughts about which Korea is better," commented manager John Binz.

STANDINGS THROUGH SATURDAY, JULY 29

1.  Theresa Yerger, Golden Girls
32.6 Points
Fencing 17.5 (1G, 1S, 1B)
Shooting 8.4 (1G, 1B)
Weightlifting 6.7 (1G)

2.  Lucas Tanglen, Postmodern Pentathlon
17.1 Points
Judo 8.9 (1G, 1B)
Shooting 6.7 (1G)
Swimming 1.5 (1B)

3.  Christina Binz, Zurich Zebras
14.2 Points
Archery 12.5 (1G)
Weightlifting 1.7 (1B)

4.  John Binz, Da Nang Dynamos
13.4 Points
Swimming 10.3 (1G, 1S, 2B)
Archery 3.1 (1B)

5.  Brian Schwartz, The Jim Thorpes
9.5 Points
Swimming 5.9 (1G)
Judo 3.6 (1S)

6.  Dave Spence, Paragons
9.2 Points
Archery 6.3 (1S)
Swimming 2.9 (1S)

7.  Ellis Kunka, Cornballers
3.5 Points
Judo 1.8 (1B)
Shooting 1.7 (1B)

8.  Craig Emmert, Craig's Team
3.3 Points
Shooting 3.3 (1S)

Chariots of Fire Roster

Manager:  Craig Emmert

Round 1 Pick 4 - China Gymnastics

Round 2 Pick 5 - Jamaica Athletics
Round 3 Pick 4 - Brazil Volleyball
Round 4 Pick 5 - Switzerland Cycling
Round 5 Pick 4 - Great Britain Triathlon
Round 6 Pick 5 - Great Britain Rowing
Round 7 Pick 4 - France Swimming
Round 8 Pick 5 - Russia Diving
Round 9 Pick 4 - France Judo
Round 10 Pick 5 - Italy Shooting
Round 11 Pick 4 - Ukraine Archery
Round 12 Pick 5 - Serbia Tennis
Round 13 Pick 4 - Japan Wrestling
Round 14 Pick 5 - Argentina Field Hockey
Round 15 Pick 4 - France Sailing
Round 16 Pick 5 - Canada Canoeing
Round 17 Pick 4 - Great Britain Equestrian
Round 18 Pick 5 - China Fencing
Round 19 Pick 4 - Germany Modern Pentathlon
Round 20 Pick 5 - Dominican Republic Taekwondo
Round 21 Pick 4 - Lithuania Basketball
Round 22 Pick 5 - Ukraine Weightlifting
Round 23 Pick 4 - France Football
Round 24 Pick 5 - Ireland Boxing
Round 25 Pick 4 - Russia Handball
Round 26 Pick 5 - France Water Polo
Round 27 Pick 4 - Russia Table Tennis
Round 28 Pick 5 - Netherlands Badminton
Round 29 Pick 4 - USA Synchronized Swimming

Analysis:  Craig hasn't sent me a team name yet which certainly reflects poorly on his entire strategy.  Reflecting more poorly on this team is the pick of Switzerland cycling in round 4 with the 29th overall pick.  I had them ranked sixth in cycling, i.e. they would have been available ten rounds later.

This team recovered nicely, though, with some good sleeper picks including Serbia tennis in round 12 and Ireland boxing in round 24.  It's hard to root against any team that counts Ana Ivanovic as a member.  Craig has a deep team which might score points in the most disciplines, but there's no big time point scorer on this roster and therefore no overall championship.