Zebras-Led Conspiracy Disgraces Sport

On the surface, the Fantasy Olympics are nothing but a lighthearted game among friends.  But a dark and seamy underworld lurks not far beneath - an underworld which can't easily be glossed over by a brightly colored blog.  How disappointing that even our fantasy world can be plagued with the same widespread corruption, underhanded dealing, and self-serving machismo that we normally only see in the real world.  I refer, of course, to the shameful actions of three of our Fantasy Olympic teams.

In the badminton tournament, it is possible to qualify for the medal rounds with one match to go in pool play. Several women's doubles teams achieved this, meaning Tuesday's matches were only for seeding.  Postmodern Pentathlon manager Lucas Tanglen was desperate to take both the gold and silver, meaning Chinese teams needed to qualify on each side of the bracket.  This could only happen if Wang Xiaoli and Yu Yang lost, so Tanglen ordered them to tank the match.

Not to be outdone, Zurich Zebras manager Christina Binz told her South Korean team to try to lose the match as well.  That a Switzerland-based team would use a top 50 overall pick on badminton was always inexplicable...it now became nefarious.  At least the Chinese succeeded in losing the match.

Binz now needed her other South Korean team to lose to prevent both of her teams from meeting in the quarterfinals.  So she doubled down, ordering Ha Jung-eum and Kim Min-jung to blow the next match against Indonesia.  But Paragons manager Dave Spence, failing to live up to his sanctimonious team name, told the Indonesians to lose as well.  Binz's squad once again failed at failling as Indonesia lost.

Everything came to a head today when all eight players involved in the scandal were booted from the Olympics.  The South Koreans appealed but their appeal was denied.  Finally they had managed to lose.

"I think it's really important they do something about it, because we've been seeing it a lot, Los Cornballers badminton competitor Christinna Pederson (Denmark) told reporters.  "It's a shame for our sport that all of us love so much.  I can't believe they could do it at the Olympics.  It's such a shame."

"The extra 'n' I have over Christina Binz may be pointless," Pederson continued, "but the extra integrity is not."