USA Swimming Puts Dynamos In First

Da Nang Dynamos moved into first place in the Fantasy Olympics Tuesday as USA Swimming continued to dominate the medal count.  The Dynamos edged out Golden Girls for the overall lead by picking up eight overall medals, including medals in all four of the day's swimming events.  After golds from Alison Schmitt (women's 200 freestyle) and the men's 4x200 freestyle relay team, USA Swimming now has earned more fantasy points than all but two entire teams.  Schmitt now has three medals at the Olympics.  By the 2016 Rio games she will no longer need to use a mug shot as her official picture.

Postmodern Pentathlon had the second-biggest day, picking up 26.5 points thanks mostly to Germany's sweep of the equestrian events.  Had manager Lucas Tanglen not blown the first overall pick, the USA swimming points and first place would be his.  It's a small consolation indeed for a former newspaper copy editor to win two medals in something called "Individual Eventing."

A bronze medal from New Zealand's equestrian team moved Los Cornballers into double digits in points.  The reason that the defending champions have yet to win a gold is obvious based on this picture of Cornballers tennis stars Ana Ivanovic and Novac Djokovic, which was just posted to Ivanovic's Facebook fan page.  "I'm going to enjoy playing as a team with Novak in January," Ivanovic wrote. Clearly the Cornballers have no respect for their coaching staff and are just in London for sex.

STANDINGS THROUGH TUESDAY, JULY 31

1.  John Binz, Da Nang Dynamos
95.6 Points
Swimming 58.8 (6G, 6S, 4B)
Archery 15.6 (1G, 1B)
Judo 7.1 (1G)
Diving 6.2 (2S)
Gymnastics 2.8 (1S)
Fencing 2.5 (1B)
Canoeing 1.6 (1B)

2.  Theresa Yerger, Golden Girls
92.4 Points
Weightlifting 23.4 (3G, 1S)
Fencing 22.5 (1G, 2S, 1B)
Diving 18.9 (3G)
Shooting 18.4 (2G, 1S, 1B)
Equestrian 4.2 (1S)
Judo 3.6 (1S)
Gymnastics 1.4 (1B)

3.  Brian Schwartz, The Jim Thorpes
59.1 Points
Judo 17.9 (1G, 2S, 2B)
Swimming 17.6 (1G, 3S, 2B)
Fencing 12.5 (1G, 1B)
Diving 4.7 (1S, 1B)
Weightlifting 3.3 (1S)
Canoeing 3.1 (1S)

4.  Lucas Tanglen, Postmodern Pentathlon
55.8 Points
Equestrian 18.7 (2G, 1B)
Judo 8.9 (1G, 1B)
Shooting 6.7 (1G)
Archery 6.3 (1S)
Canoeing 6.3 (1G)
Swimming 7.5 (5B)
Gymnastics 1.4 (1B)

5.  Christina Binz, Zurich Zebras
46.8 Points
Weightlifting 15.1 (1G, 1B)
Archery 12.5 (1G)
Judo 7.1 (1G)
Gymnastics 5.6 (1G)
Fencing 5 (1S)
Swimming 1.5 (1B)

6.  Craig Emmert, Craig's Team
41.1 Points
Swimming 17.6 (2G, 2G)
Shooting 6.6 (2S)
Gymnastics 5.6 (1G)
Judo 5.4 (3B)
Equestrian 4.2 (1S)
Weightlifting 1.7 (1B)

7.  Dave Spence, Paragons
26.2 Points
Shooting 13.4 (2G)
Archery 6.3 (1S)
Judo 3.6 (1S)
Swimming 2.9 (1S)

8.  Ellis Kunka, Los Cornballers
11.2 Points
Cycling 2.8 (1S)
Gymnastics 2.8 (1S)
Equestrian 2.1 (1B)
Judo 1.8 (1B)
Shooting 1.7 (1B)

USA Swimming Leads Dynamos Charge

The third day of Fantasy Olympic competition belonged to Da Nang Dynamos, who pulled within seven points of first behind four medals from the USA Swimming team and one from Mexico diving.  Team USA took gold  in both the men's and women's 100 meter backstroke.

By winning the women's backstroke finals only 14 minutes after her semifinal heat, Missy Franklin became the first 17-year-old Colorado high school student in 13 years to gain worldwide fame in under 30 minutes.

Despite the Dynamos' big day, Golden Girls held onto first place when the Chinese diving and weightlifting teams each won their second gold medal of the Games.  "Consider it one-eighth of a Women's 58kg Weightlifting gold medal for every team in the Fantasy Olympics," said Golden Girls manager Theresa Yerger as she briefly looked up from a copy of Quotations from Chairman Mao.

Farther down in the standings, Los Cornballers continued to languish in last place despite a Pyrrhic victory gained when their manager Ellis Kunka successfully challenged the scoring in men's team gymnastics. Japan wound up with a silver medal, meaning Los Cornballers now only trail by 61.1 points.  Kunka was reportedly inspired by the time John Russell was thrown out of a Pirates-Brewers game in August 2008.

STANDINGS THROUGH MONDAY, JULY 30

1.  Theresa Yerger, Golden Girls
70.2 Points
Fencing 22.5 (1G, 2S, 1B)
Shooting 18.4 (2G, 1S, 1B)
Weightlifting 16.7 (2G, 1S)
Diving 12.6 (2G)

2.  John Binz, Da Nang Dynamos
63.8 Points
Swimming 42.6 (4G, 5S, 3B)
Archery 15.6 (1G, 1B)
Diving 3.1 (1S)
Fencing 2.5 (1B)

3.  Christina Binz, Zurich Zebras
41.2 Points
Weightlifting 15.1 (1G, 1B)
Archery 12.5 (1G)
Judo 7.1 (1G)
Fencing 5 (1S)
Swimming 1.5 (1B)

4.  Brian Schwartz, The Jim Thorpes
36.5 Points
Swimming 13.2 (1G, 2S, 1B)
Judo 16.1 (1G, 2S, 1B)
Diving 4.7 (1S, 1B)
Fencing 2.5 (1B)

T-5.  Craig Emmert, Craig's Team
29.3 Points
Swimming 11.8 (2G)
Shooting 6.6 (2S)
Gymnastics 5.6 (1G)
Judo 3.6 (2B)
Weightlifting 1.7 (1B)

T-5.  Lucas Tanglen, Postmodern Pentathlon
29.3 Points
Judo 8.9 (1G, 1B)
Shooting 6.7 (1G)
Archery 6.3 (1S)
Swimming 6 (4B)
Gymnastics 1.4 (1B)

7.  Dave Spence, Paragons
19.5 Points
Shooting 6.7 (1G)
Archery 6.3 (1S)
Judo 3.6 (1S)
Swimming 2.9 (1S)

8.  Ellis Kunka, Los Cornballers
9.1 Points
Cycling 2.8 (1S)
Gymnastics 2.8 (1S)
Judo 1.8 (1B)
Shooting 1.7 (1B)

An Unlikely Road To Stardom

Chinese table tennis player Ding Ning, who is favored to win two gold medals in London, admitted today that she learned the sport while drunk in the basement of the Tau Kappa Epsilon house at Heilongjiang University.

Dave Spence chose the Chinese table tennis team with his first round pick - apparently unaware that in northeast China, "hard work and dedication" is just a synonym for "Goldschläger and poor taste in men."   Fantasy Summer Olympics Blog has obtained this photo of the hallowed training ground.

Ning dated one of the Tekes for two years, if "dating" consists of playing ping-pong and Spades in that disgusting basement and then walking home unsatisfied when your boyfriend passes out drunk on Milwaukee's Best Ice.  But her boyfriend seemed to be maturing and even surprised her with a trip to the Netherlands after spring semester finals in 2011.  She was certain he would propose to her during the vacation - but it turned out that the idiot had only brought her to Rotterdam to control her into competing in the World Table Tennis Championships.

Ning won the individual gold medal and a team silver, which empowered her to break up with that dick and refuse to be on his team for the mixed doubles tournament.  Back on campus, she subsequently dated two other TKE brothers to make her ex jealous.  The Tekes are the only house that plays ping-pong instead of beer pong, so her skills continued to improve and she is now ranked #1 in the ITTF World Rankings.

Ning, 22, is hopeful that this won't be her last Olympics:   Kappa Alpha Psi has an air hockey table and she expects this Justin guy to text her back before the 2014 Sochi Games.

Golden Girls Continue To Lead

Through two days of competition, Golden Girls are still the class of the league.

Da Nang Dynamos moved into second as USA swimming won five more medals Sunday, including Dana Vollmer's gold in the 100 butterfly.  South Korea took the 12.5 women's archery team gold medal for the Dynamos.  But it wasn't enough to come close to the Girls, who picked up gold medals in diving and shooting and silverss in fencing, shooting, and weightlifting.  Chinese shooter Guo Wenjon won Golden Girls' fifth gold of the Olympics when France's Celine Goberville (undrafted) blew the last shot of the women's 10m Air Pistol.  No one has ever been this happy to screw up the biggest moment of their career:

Los Cornballers are now languishing in last place, their victory in the Fantasy Winter Olympics long forgotten.  Cornballers manager Ellis Kunka is rumored to be investigating whether Lindsey Vonn can do the Steeplechase.

STANDINGS THROUGH SUNDAY, JULY 30

1.  Theresa Yerger, Golden Girls
57.2 Points
Fencing 22.5 (1G, 2S, 1B)
Shooting 18.4 (2G, 1S, 1B)
Weightlifting 10 (1G, 1S)
Diving 6.3 (1G)

2.  John Binz, Da Nang Dynamos
43.1 Points
Swimming 25 (2G, 3S, 3B)
Archery 15.6 (1G, 1B)
Fencing 2.5 (1B)

3.  Christina Binz, Zurich Zebras
29.5 Points
Archery 12.5 (1G)
Weightlifting 8.4 (1G, 1B)
Judo 7.1 (1G)
Swimming 1.5 (1B)

4.  Lucas Tanglen, Postmodern Pentathlon
23.4 Points
Judo 8.9 (1G, 1B)
Shooting 6.7 (1G)
Archery 6.3 (1S)
Swimming 1.5 (1B)

5.  Dave Spence, Paragons
19.5 Points
Shooting 6.7 (1G)
Archery 6.3 (1S)
Judo 3.6 (1S)
Swimming 2.9 (1S)

6.  Brian Schwartz, The Jim Thorpes
18.8 Points
Swimming 10.3 (1G, 1S, 1B)
Judo 5.4 (1S, 1B)
Diving 3.1 (1S)

7.  Craig Emmert, Craig's Team
15.1 Points
Swimming 11.8 (2G)
Shooting 3.3 (1S)

8.  Ellis Kunka, Los Cornballers
6.3 Points
Cycling 2.8 (1S)
Judo 1.8 (1B)
Shooting 1.7 (1B)

Teams By Sport

Archery
Chariots of Fire - Ukraine
Cornballers - India
Da Nang Dynamos - South Korea
Golden Girls - France
Jim Thorpes - Taiwan
Paragons - USA
Postmodern Pentathlon - China
Zurich Zebras - Italy

Athletics
Chariots of Fire - Jamaica
Cornballers - USA
Da Nang Dynamos - Russia
Golden Girls - Ethiopia
Jim Thorpes - Kenya
Paragons - Great Britain
Postmodern Pentathlon - Germany
Zurich Zebras - Cuba

Badminton
Chariots of Fire - Netherlands
Cornballers - Denmark
Da Nang Dynamos - Great Britain
Golden Girls - USA
Jim Thorpes - Malaysia
Paragons - Indonesia
Postmodern Pentathlon - China
Zurich Zebras - South Korea

Basketball
Chariots of Fire - Lithuania
Cornballers - Australia
Da Nang Dynamos - Angola
Golden Girls - Argentina
Jim Thorpes - France
Paragons - Russia
Postmodern Pentathlon - USA
Zurich Zebras - Spain

Boxing
Chariots of Fire - Ireland
Cornballers - Cuba
Da Nang Dynamos - Ukraine
Golden Girls - Nigeria
Jim Thorpes - Great Britain
Paragons - Kazakhstan
Postmodern Pentathlon - Russia
Zurich Zebras - China

Canoeing
Chariots of Fire - Canada
Cornballers - Hungary
Da Nang Dynamos - Slovakia
Golden Girls - Belarus
Jim Thorpes - Germany
Paragons - Great Britain
Postmodern Pentathlon - France
Zurich Zebras - Australia

Cycling
Chariots of Fire - Switzerland
Cornballers - Great Britain
Da Nang Dynamos - New Zealand
Golden Girls - Italy
Jim Thorpes - Australia
Paragons - Spain
Postmodern Pentathlon - Germany
Zurich Zebras - France

Diving
Chariots of Fire - Russia
Cornballers - Italy
Da Nang Dynamos - Mexico
Golden Girls - China
Jim Thorpes - USA
Paragons - Germany
Postmodern Pentathlon - Great Britain
Zurich Zebras - Australia

Equestrian
Chariots of Fire - Great Britain
Cornballers - New Zealand
Da Nang Dynamos - Denmark
Golden Girls - Sweden
Jim Thorpes - France
Paragons - Netherlands
Postmodern Pentathlon - Germany
Zurich Zebras - USA

Fencing
Chariots of Fire - China
Cornballers - Romania
Da Nang Dynamos - Russia
Golden Girls - Italy
Jim Thorpes - China
Paragons - France
Postmodern Pentathlon - Netherlands
Zurich Zebras - Germany

Field Hockey
Chariots of Fire - Argentina
Cornballers - USA
Da Nang Dynamos - New Zealand
Golden Girls - Germany
Jim Thorpes - Australia
Paragons - Netherlands
Postmodern Pentathlon - Great Britain
Zurich Zebras - Spain

Football
Chariots of Fire - France
Cornballers - Japan
Da Nang Dynamos - Spain
Golden Girls - Hungary
Jim Thorpes - USA
Paragons - Sweden
Postmodern Pentathlon - Brazil
Zurich Zebras - Great Britain

Gymnastics
Chariots of Fire - China
Cornballers - Japan
Da Nang Dynamos - Russia
Golden Girls - Romania
Jim Thorpes - Germany
Paragons - Canada
Postmodern Pentathlon - Great Britain
Zurich Zebras - USA

Handball
Chariots of Fire - Russia
Cornballers - Denmark
Da Nang Dynamos - Spain
Golden Girls - Angola
Jim Thorpes - Croatia
Paragons - South Korea
Postmodern Pentathlon - Norway
Zurich Zebras - France

Judo
Chariots of Fire - France
Cornballers - Uzbekistan
Da Nang Dynamos - South Korea
Golden Girls - China
Jim Thorpes - Japan
Paragons - Cuba
Postmodern Pentathlon - Brazil
Zurich Zebras - Georgia

Modern Pentathlon
Chariots of Fire - Germany
Cornballers - Russia
Da Nang Dynamos - Italy
Golden Girls - Ireland
Jim Thorpes - Great Britain
Paragons - Lithuania
Postmodern Pentathlon - Hungary
Zurich Zebras - Ukraine

Rowing
Chariots of Fire - New Zealand
Cornballers - Great Britain
Da Nang Dynamos - Australia
Golden Girls - Canada
Jim Thorpes - USA
Paragons - Germany
Postmodern Pentathlon - Czech Republic
Zurich Zebras - Romania

Sailing
Chariots of Fire - France
Cornballers - New Zealand
Da Nang Dynamos - Australia
Golden Girls - Austria
Jim Thorpes - USA
Paragons - Great Britain
Postmodern Pentathlon - Poland
Zurich Zebras - Spain

Shooting
Chariots of Fire - Italy
Cornballers - Serbia
Da Nang Dynamos - Germany
Golden Girls - China
Jim Thorpes - Russia
Paragons - USA
Postmodern Pentathlon - South Korea
Zurich Zebras - Czech Republic

Swimming
Chariots of Fire - France
Cornballers - Sweden
Da Nang Dynamos - USA
Golden Girls - Germany
Jim Thorpes - Australia
Paragons - Netherlands
Postmodern Pentathlon - Japan
Zurich Zebras - Great Britain

Synchronized Swimming
Chariots of Fire - USA
Cornballers - Great Britain
Da Nang Dynamos - Egypt
Golden Girls - Canada
Jim Thorpes - China
Paragons - Russia
Postmodern Pentathlon - Spain
Zurich Zebras - Japan

Table Tennis
Chariots of Fire - Russia
Cornballers - Japan
Da Nang Dynamos - Germany
Golden Girls - USA
Jim Thorpes - South Korea
Paragons - China
Postmodern Pentathlon - Congo
Zurich Zebras - Singapore

Taekwondo
Chariots of Fire - Dominican Republic
Cornballers - Turkey
Da Nang Dynamos - Iran
Golden Girls - South Korea
Jim Thorpes - China
Paragons - Mexico
Postmodern Pentathlon - Great Britain
Zurich Zebras - USA

Tennis
Chariots of Fire - Serbia
Cornballers - Switzerland
Da Nang Dynamos - Czech Republic
Golden Girls - France
Jim Thorpes - USA
Paragons - Spain
Postmodern Pentathlon - Great Britain
Zurich Zebras - Russia

Triathlon
Chariots of Fire - Great Britain
Cornballers - Spain
Da Nang Dynamos - Portugal
Golden Girls - New Zealand
Jim Thorpes - South Africa
Paragons - Australia
Postmodern Pentathlon - Switzerland
Zurich Zebras - Canada

Volleyball
Chariots of Fire - Brazil
Cornballers - Russia
Da Nang Dynamos - USA
Golden Girls - Cuba
Jim Thorpes - Germany
Paragons - Italy
Postmodern Pentathlon - Poland
Zurich Zebras - China

Water Polo
Chariots of Fire - France
Cornballers - China
Da Nang Dynamos - Italy
Golden Girls - Australia
Jim Thorpes - USA
Paragons - Hungary
Postmodern Pentathlon - Croatia
Zurich Zebras - Serbia

Weightlifting
Chariots of Fire - Ukraine
Cornballers - Turkey
Da Nang Dynamos - South Korea
Golden Girls - China
Jim Thorpes - Russia
Paragons - Belarus
Postmodern Pentathlon - Iran
Zurich Zebras - North Korea

Wrestling
Chariots of Fire - Japan
Cornballers - Azerbaijan
Da Nang Dynamos - Iran
Golden Girls - Turkey
Jim Thorpes - Bulgaria
Paragons - Georgia
Postmodern Pentathlon - USA
Zurich Zebras - Russia

Golden Girls Take Early Lead

The first time I saw Theresa Yerger, my only thought was "Clearly this girl knows a lot about women's fencing."  Sure enough, I was proven right as her Italian team captured a clean sweep of the women's Individual Foil.  This was enough to propel Golden Girls to a lead after the first day of Olympic competition.

Da Nang Dynamos are in third, but they suffered a critical blow as the heavily favored South Korean men's archery team choked and only took the bronze.  "I'm seriously starting to have legitimate thoughts about which Korea is better," commented manager John Binz.

STANDINGS THROUGH SATURDAY, JULY 29

1.  Theresa Yerger, Golden Girls
32.6 Points
Fencing 17.5 (1G, 1S, 1B)
Shooting 8.4 (1G, 1B)
Weightlifting 6.7 (1G)

2.  Lucas Tanglen, Postmodern Pentathlon
17.1 Points
Judo 8.9 (1G, 1B)
Shooting 6.7 (1G)
Swimming 1.5 (1B)

3.  Christina Binz, Zurich Zebras
14.2 Points
Archery 12.5 (1G)
Weightlifting 1.7 (1B)

4.  John Binz, Da Nang Dynamos
13.4 Points
Swimming 10.3 (1G, 1S, 2B)
Archery 3.1 (1B)

5.  Brian Schwartz, The Jim Thorpes
9.5 Points
Swimming 5.9 (1G)
Judo 3.6 (1S)

6.  Dave Spence, Paragons
9.2 Points
Archery 6.3 (1S)
Swimming 2.9 (1S)

7.  Ellis Kunka, Cornballers
3.5 Points
Judo 1.8 (1B)
Shooting 1.7 (1B)

8.  Craig Emmert, Craig's Team
3.3 Points
Shooting 3.3 (1S)

Chariots of Fire Roster

Manager:  Craig Emmert

Round 1 Pick 4 - China Gymnastics

Round 2 Pick 5 - Jamaica Athletics
Round 3 Pick 4 - Brazil Volleyball
Round 4 Pick 5 - Switzerland Cycling
Round 5 Pick 4 - Great Britain Triathlon
Round 6 Pick 5 - Great Britain Rowing
Round 7 Pick 4 - France Swimming
Round 8 Pick 5 - Russia Diving
Round 9 Pick 4 - France Judo
Round 10 Pick 5 - Italy Shooting
Round 11 Pick 4 - Ukraine Archery
Round 12 Pick 5 - Serbia Tennis
Round 13 Pick 4 - Japan Wrestling
Round 14 Pick 5 - Argentina Field Hockey
Round 15 Pick 4 - France Sailing
Round 16 Pick 5 - Canada Canoeing
Round 17 Pick 4 - Great Britain Equestrian
Round 18 Pick 5 - China Fencing
Round 19 Pick 4 - Germany Modern Pentathlon
Round 20 Pick 5 - Dominican Republic Taekwondo
Round 21 Pick 4 - Lithuania Basketball
Round 22 Pick 5 - Ukraine Weightlifting
Round 23 Pick 4 - France Football
Round 24 Pick 5 - Ireland Boxing
Round 25 Pick 4 - Russia Handball
Round 26 Pick 5 - France Water Polo
Round 27 Pick 4 - Russia Table Tennis
Round 28 Pick 5 - Netherlands Badminton
Round 29 Pick 4 - USA Synchronized Swimming

Analysis:  Craig hasn't sent me a team name yet which certainly reflects poorly on his entire strategy.  Reflecting more poorly on this team is the pick of Switzerland cycling in round 4 with the 29th overall pick.  I had them ranked sixth in cycling, i.e. they would have been available ten rounds later.

This team recovered nicely, though, with some good sleeper picks including Serbia tennis in round 12 and Ireland boxing in round 24.  It's hard to root against any team that counts Ana Ivanovic as a member.  Craig has a deep team which might score points in the most disciplines, but there's no big time point scorer on this roster and therefore no overall championship.

Postmodern Pentathlon Roster

Manager:  Lucas Tanglen

Round 1 Pick 1 - USA Basketball

Round 2 Pick 8 - Brazil Football
Round 3 Pick 1 - China Badminton
Round 4 Pick 8 - Germany Athletics
Round 5 Pick 1 - Japan Swimming
Round 6 Pick 8 - Russia Boxing
Round 7 Pick 1 - Germany Equestrian
Round 8 Pick 8 - Great Britain Diving
Round 9 Pick 1 - France Canoeing
Round 10 Pick 8 - China Archery
Round 11 Pick 1 - USA Wrestling
Round 12 Pick 8 - Croatia Water Polo
Round 13 Pick 1 - Norway Handball
Round 14 Pick 8 - Iran Weightlifting
Round 15 Pick 1 - Switzerland Triathlon
Round 16 Pick 8 - Germany Cycling
Round 17 Pick 1 - Spain Synchronized Swimming
Round 18 Pick 8 - Great Britain Gymnastics
Round 19 Pick 1 - Great Britain Field Hockey
Round 20 Pick 8 - Czech Republic Rowing
Round 21 Pick 1 - Poland Sailing
Round 22 Pick 8 - Poland Volleyball
Round 23 Pick 1 - Great Britain Tennis
Round 24 Pick 8 - South Korea Shooting
Round 25 Pick 1 - Great Britain Taekwondo
Round 26 Pick 8 - Netherlands Fencing
Round 27 Pick 1 - Brazil Judo
Round 28 Pick 8 - Hungary Modern Pentathlon
Round 29 Pick 1 - Congo Table Tennis

Analysis:  Postmodern Pentathlon got the coveted #1 overall pick and blew it.  USA Basketball may win both gold medals if the men's team starts exerting defensive effort, but they still are unlikely to compile as many points as USA Swimming.  USA Basketball was still the legit top team on the board so all was not lost, and the next few picks were solid.  In round 6, though, manager Lucas Tanglen selected Russian boxing.  You would think everyone has seen Rocky IV on TNT, and you would be wrong.

Still, Postmodern Pentathlon hasn't lost it yet.  Brazil football is a threat to win two 50 point golds, and China badminton is a lock for 30 points or more.  Great Britain diving in Round 8 is the only truly awful pick here - one that is mitigated by solid drafting in the middle rounds.  There might not be enough here for a title, but a second division finish is certainly unlikely.

Zurich Zebras Roster

Manager:  Christina Binz

Round 1 Pick 8 - USA Gymnastics

Round 2 Pick 1 - Great Britain Swimming
Round 3 Pick 8 - Russia Wrestling
Round 4 Pick 1 - France Cycling
Round 5 Pick 8 - Cuba Athletics
Round 6 Pick 1 - South Korea Badminton
Round 7 Pick 8 - France Handball
Round 8 Pick 1 - Japan Synchronized Swimming
Round 9 Pick 8 - USA Equestrian
Round 10 Pick 1 - Spain Basketball
Round 11 Pick 8 - Serbia Water Polo
Round 12 Pick 1 - China Boxing
Round 13 Pick 8 - Great Britain Football
Round 14 Pick 1 - Australia Canoeing
Round 15 Pick 8 - Italy Archery
Round 16 Pick 1 - Germany Fencing
Round 17 Pick 8 - Russia Tennis
Round 18 Pick 1 - China Volleyball
Round 19 Pick 8 - Australia Diving
Round 20 Pick 1 - Singapore Table Tennis
Round 21 Pick 8 - Spain Field Hockey
Round 22 Pick 1 - Ukraine Modern Pentathlon
Round 23 Pick 8 - USA Taekwondo
Round 24 Pick 1 - Canada Triathlon
Round 25 Pick 8 - North Korea Weightlifting
Round 26 Pick 1 - Czech Republic Shooting
Round 27 Pick 8 - Georgia Judo
Round 28 Pick 1 - Spain Sailing
Round 29 Pick 8 - Romania Rowing

Analysis:  All I can say about this first round pick is that there are no bonus points for a patriotic yet touching human interest story targeted at female viewers, even if the team manager is that female viewer.  Russian wrestling is a great value at #24 overall, but I'm a bit concerned with the chemistry in the Olympic Village between the USA gymnasts and the Russian wrestlers.  Likewise, the USA gymnasts should be concerned.

After a short-lived rebound in the middle rounds, the questionable picks continued - including the choice of a weightlifting team from a country that has no food, as well as a table tennis team from a country that has no tables.  To have any chance at all, the Zebras will need some upsets in the team sports to claim the 50 point basketball and football gold medals.

Golden Girls Roster

Manager:  Theresa Yerger

Round 1 Pick 5:  China Diving

Round 2 Pick 4:  China Weightlifting
Round 3 Pick 5:  China Shooting
Round 4 Pick 4:  South Korea Taekwondo
Round 5 Pick 5:  Ethiopia Athletics
Round 6 Pick 4:  Italy Fencing
Round 7 Pick 5:  China Judo
Round 8 Pick 4:  Hungary Football
Round 9 Pick 5:  Romania Gymnastics
Round 10 Pick 4:  Nigeria Boxing
Round 11 Pick 5:  Sweden Equestrian
Round 12 Pick 4:  Germany Field Hockey
Round 13 Pick 5:  Argentina Basketball
Round 14 Pick 4:  Belarus Canoeing
Round 15 Pick 5:  Austria Sailing
Round 16 Pick 4:  Germany Swimming
Round 17 Pick 5:  Canada Synchronized Swimming
Round 18 Pick 4:  USA Table Tennis
Round 19 Pick 5:  New Zealand Triathlon
Round 20 Pick 4:  Cuba Volleyball
Round 21 Pick 5:  France Tennis
Round 22 Pick 4:  Australia Water Polo
Round 23 Pick 5:  Turkey Wrestling
Round 24 Pick 4:  France Archery
Round 25 Pick 5:  USA Badminton
Round 26 Pick 4:  Angola Handball
Round 27 Pick 5:  Italy Cycling
Round 28 Pick 4:  Ireland Modern Pentathlon
Round 29 Pick 5:  Canada Rowing

Analysis:  It's a good thing Senator McCarthy died in 1957 because Golden Girls manager Theresa Yerger is clearly a Communist.  She picked Chinese teams in the first three rounds, and probably only picked South Korea in round 4 because she thinks it should be Communist too and has a cardboard cutout of Kim Jong-il in her living room.  Any remaining doubts were dispelled a bit later when she tried to draft the USSR.

Political ideology aside, Golden Girls a decent team.  China diving, weightlifting, and shooting are all historic powers which rank first in their sports.  China shooting is a good value with the overall #12 pick as I had them ranked eighth.  To win, Golden Girls will require Argentina men's basketball to repeat its 2004 gold medal - a longshot this time around.

The Jim Thorpes Roster

Manager: Brian Schwartz

Round 1 Pick 7 - USA Tennis

Round 2 Pick 2 - Australia Swimming
Round 3 Pick 7 - Japan Judo
Round 4 Pick 2 - Kenya Athletics
Round 5 Pick 7 - Russia Weightlifting
Round 6 Pick 2 - Germany Canoeing
Round 7 Pick 7 - Great Britain Boxing
Round 8 Pick 2 - China Taekwondoe
Round 9 Pick 7 - USA Football
Round 10 Pick 2 - Australia Field Hockey
Round 11 Pick 7 - Russia Shooting
Round 12 Pick 2 - USA Water Polo
Round 13 Pick 7 - USA Sailing
Round 14 Pick 2 - China Fencing
Round 15 Pick 7 - Australia Cycling
Round 16 Pick 2 - China Synchronized Swimming
Round 17 Pick 7 - France Equestrian
Round 18 Pick 2 - Great Britain Modern Pentathlon
Round 19 Pick 7 - France Basketball
Round 20 Pick 2 - USA Diving
Round 21 Pick 7 - Malaysia Badminton
Round 22 Pick 2 - Taiwan Archery
Round 23 Pick 7 - Germany Gymnastics
Round 24 Pick 2 - Croatia Handball
Round 25 Pick 7 - USA Rowing
Round 26 Pick 2 - South Korea Table Tennis
Round 27 Pick 7 - Bulgaria Wrestling
Round 28 Pick 2 - South Africa Triathlon
Round 29 Pick 7 - Germany Volleyball

Analysis:  USA Tennis is a steal at #7 overall.  It would not be at all surprising to see the USA take four of the five 20-point gold medals and a few lesser medals as well.  Russian weightlifting was a weak pick in round 5 and one that the Thorpes' manager certainly regrets.  This team should be at least decent, but to win it will need the Team USA women to come through with the 50 point football gold medal.

Paragons Roster

Manager:  Dave Spence

Round 1 Pick 6 - China Table Tennis

Round 2 Pick 3 - Russia Synchronized Swimming
Round 3 Pick 6 - Great Britain Sailing
Round 4 Pick 3 - Sweden Football
Round 5 Pick 6 - South Korea Handball
Round 6 Pick 3 - Netherlands Field Hockey
Round 7 Pick 6 - France Fencing
Round 8 Pick 3 - Hungary Water Polo
Round 9 Pick 6 - Lithuania Modern Pentathlon
Round 10 Pick 3 - USA Archery
Round 11 Pick 6 - Australia Triathlon
Round 12 Pick 3 - USA Shooting
Round 13 Pick 6 - Russia Basketball
Round 14 Pick 3 - Germany Rowing
Round 15 Pick 6 - Great Britain Athletics
Round 16 Pick 3 - Netherlands Equestrian
Round 17 Pick 6 - Indonesia Badminton
Round 18 Pick 3 - Spain Tennis
Round 19 Pick 6 - Belarus Weightlifting
Round 20 Pick 3 - Germany Diving
Round 21 Pick 6 - Cuba Judo
Round 22 Pick 3 - Spain Cycling
Round 23 Pick 6 - Netherlands Swimming
Round 24 Pick 3 - Mexico Taekwondo
Round 25 Pick 6 - Kazakhstan Boxing
Round 26 Pick 3 - Canada Gymnastics
Round 27 Pick 6 - Italy Volleyball
Round 28 Pick 3 - Georgia Wrestling
Round 29 Pick 6 - Great Britain Canoeing

Analysis:  This squad got off to a strong start with historically dominant programs Chinese table tennis, Russian synchronized swimiming, and British sailing.  Yet manager Dave Spence suffered a Binz-like decline in the following rounds.  Rather than picking teams that are likely to medal, in rounds 4 and 6 Spence just drafted the nationality and varsity letter of girls he had a crush on in high school.  Knowing that Spence was using this strategy makes one question his taste given his Round 13 pick.

Paragons' late round picks were strong apart from Round 29. An old axiom states that whereas an island nation is an excellent pick in sailing, one should generally avoid island nations in canoeing.  This draft was lost in the middle rounds and Paragons is a second-tier team.

Los Cornballers Roster

Manager:  Ellis Kunka

Round 1 Pick 3 - USA Athletics

Round 2 Pick 6 - Great Britain Cycling
Round 3 Pick 3 - Russia Modern Pentathlon
Round 4 Pick 6 - Cuba Boxing
Round 5 Pick 3 - Hungary Canoeing
Round 6 Pick 6 - Japan Gymnastics
Round 7 Pick 3 - Great Britain Rowing
Round 8 Pick 6 - Azerbaijan Wrestling
Round 9 Pick 3 - Russia Volleyball
Round 10 Pick 6 - Denmark Handball
Round 11 Pick 3 - New Zealand Handball
Round 12 Pick 6 - Switzerland Tennis
Round 13 Pick 3 - Australia Basketball
Round 14 Pick 6 - Japan Football
Round 15 Pick 3 - Turkey Weightlifting
Round 16 Pick 6 - Japan Table Tennis
Round 17 Pick 3 - Denmark Badminton
Round 18 Pick 6 - Italy Diving
Round 19 Pick 3 - India Archery
Round 20 Pick 6 - Turkey Taekwondo
Round 21 Pick 3 - New Zealand Equestrian
Round 22 Pick 6 - Romania Fencing
Round 23 Pick 3 - Serbia Shooting
Round 24 Pick 6 - Spain Triathlon
Round 25 Pick 3 - USA Field Hockey
Round 26 Pick 6 - Uzbekistan Judo
Round 27 Pick 3 - China Water Polo
Round 28 Pick 6 - Great Britain Synchronized Swimming
Round 29 Pick 3 - Sweden Swimming

Analysis:  A curious rebranding as "Los Cornballers" does nothing to change this squad's status as the New York Yankees of the Fantasy Olympics.  The large market/small market disparity was apparent as Cornballers manager Ellis Kunka was the only manager to bring a staff.  His assistant Rachel O'Neill is a noted expert in boxing, badminton, and everything related to the country of Azerbaijan.

At #3 overall, Cornballers made the right pick of USA Athletics.  They went by the book with historical powers in the next few rounds - though Hungary canoeing was a questionable pick with the superior German canoeing squad still on the board.  By the late rounds they started to show why everyone hates this team.  The round 23 pick was the most objectionable of the draft and cannot be discussed.  With his swimming pick, Kunka apparently took the advice of a beer commercial over the much more sage O'Neill.  Cornballers are nonetheless a strong contender in every Olympics and will remain the favorite unless and until they are dethroned.

Da Nang Dynamos Roster

Manager:  John Binz

Round 1 Pick 2 - USA Swimming

Round 2 Pick 7 - Russia Athletics
Round 3 Pick 2 - South Korea Archery
Round 4 Pick 7 - Russia Gymnastics
Round 5 Pick 2 - USA Volleyball
Round 6 Pick 7 - Iran Wrestling
Round 7 Pick 2 - Slovakia Canoeing
Round 8 Pick 7 - Spain Football
Round 9 Pick 2 - Australia Sailing
Round 10 Pick 7 - Russia Fencing
Round 11 Pick 2 - Ukraine Boxing
Round 12 Pick 7 - Germany Table Tennis
Round 13 Pick 2 - Iran Taekwondo
Round 14 Pick 7 - Australia Rowing
Round 15 Pick 2 - South Korea Judo
Round 16 Pick 7 - South Korea Weightlifting
Round 17 Pick 2 - Germany Shooting
Round 18 Pick 7 - New Zealand Cycling
Round 19 Pick 2 - Mexico Diving
Round 20 Pick 7 - Italy Modern Pentathlon
Round 21 Pick 2 - Denmark Equestrian
Round 22 Pick 7 - Spain Handball
Round 23 Pick 2 - Italy Water Polo
Round 24 Pick 7 - Portugal Triathlon
Round 25 Pick 2 - New Zealand Field Hockey
Round 26 Pick 7 - Great Britain Badminton
Round 27 Pick 2 - Egypt Synchronized Swimming
Round 28 Pick 7 - Czech Republic Tennis
Round 29 Pick 2 - Angola Basketball

Analysis:  USA swimming is the strongest team in the field and is a steal even at #2 overall.  I had them projected for 120 points with upside for more and a floor of 90.  Manager John Binz held his own early, including a strong round 5 pick with USA volleyball.  At that point this draft apparently was taken over by Dave Littlefield, as this team took a precipitous downturn in round 6 that was never really reversed.

The exclamation point was the selection of a desert country in synchronized swimming - a pick which can only be defended as a futile attempt to see Cleopatra in a bikini.  USA swimming, though, gives this squad a chance despite poor depth.

Draft A Huge Success

Once again, the Fantasy Olympics draft was an unmitigated success.  One would think that no night could live up to that historic and hallowed night of February 12, 2010, when the draft was held for the first ever Fantasy Olympiad.  But one is often wrong.  Drafting Olympic teams while watching athletes walk around in a circle on TV is one of those things you never believe you could achieve until you actually are doing it.

In a Hanukkah-like miracle, two mere cases of beer held out for the entire 4.5-hour long draft.

The superiority of our format is confirmed when comparing to this laughable excuse for an Olympic draft that I found in a Long Island newspaper.  These posers drafted nine individual athletes and three teams each, covering at most eight sports, and called it a night.  It's no wonder that most citizens of Suffolk County, New York, would rather read the label on a bottle of self-tanning lotion that this guy's column.

If you ever wondered what it would look like to tape eight Fantasy Summer Olympic rosters to a wall in Bloomfield, Pittsburgh, PA, it looks like this.

Fantasy Olympics Goddamn Hard To Prepare For

While publicly portraying an aura of confidence, Fantasy Summer Olympics coaches have recently become concerned that it is goddamn impossible to know much about all of these sports that nobody cared about for the last four years.

As compared to the Fantasy Winter Olympics, the number of sports has nearly doubled from 15 to 29.  Yet the number of sports that it is possible to correctly predict based solely on racism only increased from ten to 13.  Moreover, some coaches are afraid of key Summer Olympic elements such as kayaks and horses.

A sampling of coaches' comments:
Lucas Tanglen:  "There's no way I can prepare for this draft by tomorrow."
Brian Schwartz:  "I haven't watched the summer Olympics since Anna Lindberg was in it."  "Crap, she was in it in 2004 and 2008?  I guess I should have watched."
Christina Binz:  "I don't understand any of it."
Craig Emmert:  "Hopefully Annie will do all my research."

One might expect that a group of young American adults would know nothing about such things as mathematics or world politics.  However, the lack of women's handball knowledge in this group is frankly appalling.  There's also a nasty rumor going around that one coach, Ellis Kunka, could only name eleven of the 14 weight classes in judo.

Coach Hit With Beer Crisis

Fantasy Summer Olympics blogger/coach Brian Schwartz announced this afternoon that he has no beer and no beer money today. Anonymous sources speculated that this situation would likely ruin his plans to bring a case of PBR to the draft.

Fantasy Olympic fans are hopeful that there will be enough beer around that this doesn't present a problem. Anyone who gives Schwartz a few beers at the draft naturally would receive priority consideration to be his teammate at the 2016 Rio de Janeiro Olympics, provided synchronized swimming becomes a coed sport by that time.

Fantasy Olympics Return in London

Because Kim Glass of the U.S. volleyball team doesn't like traditions to die, Fantasy Olympics returns for the London games.

This tradition of course began with the first ever Fantasy Olympiad, the 2010 Fantasy Winter Olympics. It is safe to say that nothing went wrong at the Vancouver Games, and the Fantasy Olympics were similarly a huge success.

Unprecedented excitement has been building for the second Fantasy Olympiad. Three people have asked me about it in just the past few months. That doesn't sound that impressive until you realize that I only talk to four people.

The draft will be held Friday night, points will be accumulated, managers will be alternately acclaimed and vilified on this site, and we'll all have a reason to go on for at a minimum three more weeks.

The blog takes on greater importance this year: whereas in 2010 writing thousands of words multiple times a day could be classified as "a waste of time," today blogging is "an innovative marketing tool" - albeit with nothing to market. Certainly continue to check back for updates.

Points Per Medal

To see how we arrived at these point values read this explanation.

Archery: Gold 12.5, Silver 6.3, Bronze 3.1
Athletics: Gold 4.3, Silver 2.1, Bronze 1.1
Badminton: Gold 10, Silver 5, Bronze 2.5
Basketball: Gold 50, Silver 25, Bronze 12.5
Boxing: Gold 7.7, Silver 3.8, Bronze 1.9
Canoeing: Gold 6.3, Silver 3.1, Bronze 1.6
Cycling: Gold 5.6, Silver 2.8, Bronze 1.4
Diving: Gold 6.3, Silver 3.1, Bronze 1.6
Equestrian: Gold 8.3, Silver 4.2, Bronze 2.1
Fencing: Gold 10, Silver 5, Bronze 2.5
Field Hockey: Gold 25, Silver 12.5, Bronze 6.3
Football: Gold 50, Silver 25, Bronze 12.5
Gymnastics: Gold 5.6, Silver 2.8, Bronze 1.4
Handball: Gold 25, Silver 12.5, Bronze 6.3
Judo: Gold 7.1, Silver 3.6, Bronze 1.8
Modern Pentathlon: Gold 25, Silver 12.5, Bronze 6.3
Rowing: Gold 7.1, Silver 3.6, Bronze 1.8
Sailing: Gold 10, Silver 5, Bronze 2.5
Shooting: Gold 6.7, Silver 3.3, Bronze 1.7
Swimming: Gold 5.9, Silver 2.9, Bronze 1.5
Synchronized Swimming: Gold 25, Silver 12.5, Bronze 6.3
Table Tennis: Gold 12.5, Silver 6.3, Bronze 3.1
Taekwondo: Gold 6.3, Silver 3.1, Bronze 1.6
Tennis: Gold 20, Silver 10, Bronze 5
Triathlon: Gold 25, Silver 12.5, Bronze 6.3
Volleyball: Gold 25, Silver 12.5, Bronze 6.3
Water Polo: Gold 25, Silver 12.5, Bronze 6.3
Weightlifting: Gold 6.7, Silver 3.3, Bronze 1.7
Wrestling: Gold 5.6, Silver 2.8, Bronze 1.4

Scoring System Explained

For Fantasy Summer Olympics, we conduct a 29 round draft in which all players draft one country for each of the 29 sports.

Major Sports
The following major sports are allotted 350 fantasy points each:

Athletics
Swimming

200 total points for gold medals, 100 for silver, 50 for bronze. These points are divided by the number of medals in the sport, so an athletics gold medal is worth 4.3 points since there are 47 awarded.  A swimming gold medal is worth 5.9 points since there are 34 awarded.  These sports were doubled in value because of the sheer number of medals awarded.

Mid-Major Sports
The following mid-major sports are worth a total of 175 points each:

Basketball
Boxing
Canoeing
Cycling
Fencing
Football
Gymnastics
Judo
Rowing
Sailing
Shooting
Tennis
Volleyball
Weightlifting
Wrestling

100 points for gold medals, 50 for silver and 25 for bronze. Same as before, only we're cutting the point values in half since fewer medals are awarded.  This list comprises every remaining sport that awards at least 10 medals, with the additions of basketball, football, tennis, and volleyball.

At 50 points each, the two basketball and the two football gold medals will be the most valuable in our competition.  We think this is fitting since these medals reflect the ongoing efforts of large teams of  athletes in a tournament that spans the entire Olympiad.  I, for one, could not have told anyone on the 2008 USA women's soccer team that her medal was worth less than 50 points.  Because I wouldn't be able to speak.

Minor Sports
The following minor sports are worth a total of 87.5 points each:

Archery
Badminton
Diving
Equestrian
Field hockey
Handball
Modern pentathlon
Synchronized swimming
Table tennis
Taekwondo
Triathlon
Water polo

50 points for gold medals, 25 for silver and 12.5 for bronze. Same as before, only we're cutting the point values in half again.  All of these sports award less than ten medals, and certain of them (not naming names, field hockey) aren't real sports.

This doesn't mean these medals are unimportant.  Anyone who even casually followed the standings in the first Fantasy Olympiad knows that depth is the key to victory.  Depth, and being kind of a dick.